10.12.09

Jive and Step


The bruits are dancing now more than ever. Doing Jive and Steps in my jaw. I hope they are just dancing.




7.12.09

A friend died today,
For the first time matters of life and death effected me beyond any desirable measure.

I lost a lot of people that was close to me,
Among most was my dear auntie,
And yet, i never even shed a tears.

The fact is, the girl that died today,
I don't even know her,
A friend of a friend. Who lives 10,000 km away.

And yet, for the first time in my life,
I cried all my tears for the girl i never knew.

Because i was in her place.

Like her, I was told it was just going to be a 3 hour operation,
But ended up fighting for our lives instead,

Like her i was too young to go,
But yet we ended up in the ICU on the life support machine,

Like her i got family and friends waiting in the hallway,
Praying for us to survive, praying for a miracle,
Only today i was in the shoes with the people who prayed,
Not the one whose given 1% chance to live.

The realization for the great amount of worry and pain that ive cause
to those that love me. For those who waited patiently
counting every second with hope that i will wake up.

But unlike her,
I got my miracle,
and she didn't......

And i realized how fortunate i am.

But amidst that i couldnt grasp the fact that she died, for I keep on praying that
she will have her miracle as i did, for the selfish thought that yes everyone deserves a miracle. And i believed that she is strong, as im not meant to survived but i did, and she should too.

Some will say that is life, others will say everything happen for a reason,

When i was in the coma, my dad left a book for anyone to write their wishes for me,
yesterday i read it again and i found this at the back of the page..i must have written
it shortly after....

If i have been gone....

You can cry all the tears now that i am gone,
or you can smile because i have lived,

You can loose hope and close your eyes,
or you can open them and see the strength i had in me,

You can block thoughts of me completely,
or you can cherish my memory and let it live,

You can feel sad knowing you can't feel me,
or you can be be joyful knowing that i have love fully,

You can feel pity that i was too young to go,
or you can feel happy knowing that ive lived a small girl with a big heart all my life,

You can ignore the world and be discouraged,
or you can do what you know i will do;

Love fully, go on with life, and go on with a smile.


and in my heart, i would like to think that she would say the same too....
How lovely it is to be with someone who i can love like crazy and loves me the same way back.

To fall in love, to be deliriously happy each and everyday.

But of course, it is simply too flattering sweet to be substantial. Im blissfully happy that its almost unreal. A few stolen moment is what i have.

You who makes me smile and laugh silly. Levitate me and let me dance freely in passionate rhythm.

Truth is, there is no sense to life without it, to make the journey and not fall in love, you haven't lived a life at all. 1

1. Meet Joe Black memorable quote