I am just a fraction of my imagination,
Of what i feel existed,
A certainty of my ego,
That im struggling to let go.
30.12.08
25.12.08
.............
You who love my smile,
And every particles of me,
I want to be in your arms,
Let you hold me tight and it will feel so right,
I gazed in your eyes and cradled in your soul,
I found in you something i've been searching,
Someone who truly sees me as I am.
Unspoken Attraction
You have a detrimental effect on me,
My heart is blossoming,
It felt so natural,
I hope that this feeling wont last,
Because you're gone,
And i miss you, and i want you,
I hope this is just an infatuation,
We grew fond of each other,
An unspoken attraction so strong,
We waited too long,
And now I'm driven from reality.
11.12.08
That hunch on her back.....
Last Saturday, i was driving back from a coffee with a friend. It was late afternoon and i promised my mom il be home by 3pm.
As i cornered the hilly area towards my house, i saw small women in her 80's carrying a luggage in one hand, and a large bag on the other.
She was frail, and walking slowly towards uphills. Her back is hunched and i wonder if they were ever straight. She was wearing an old baju kurung and scarf that was tie at the back. Her wrinkles suggested that she might look older than she is.
I drove pass her but i kept looking at my rear mirror. Stimultaneos questions rans through my head 'Does she need a lift? is it ok to offered her a ride? Where does she lives? Where is her family? Why does her family let her carry heavy stuff under the hot sun? Why isnt anybody offered to give her a ride?'.
I slowed down my car and finally i stop by the roadside. I step down and looked at her not knowing what to say. She saw me and a smile start to fill in her face. She said immedietly 'Nek tumpang nak.....nek penat dah jalan jauh...'
She had a Javanese slang and later i found out that she was from Indonesia. It took a great deal not to release the tears upon hearing what she said.
I hurry my steps towards her and offered to carry the bags. I was suprised that the bag is really heavy, and it hurts my shoulder even to carry it across the road. I returned to assist the women, she took my arm and walk slowly towards the car.
'Rumah nenek kat mana?'
'Kat atas tu, nanti nenek tunjukkan jalan'
I drove uphills and downhills and reach the house about 5 minits away. I cant imagine if she have to walk all the way with the heavy bags... what strenght does one have?
I learned that she is moving out because she no longer allowed to stay where she is, she will be staying with Pak Omar, menumpang, she cooks for the surau and will continue to do so despite the distance to surau from the house, she doesnt have any family nor a source of income and lots more.
In the 5 minutes conversation, it felt to me like she was telling me her whole life. As if she was saving the story and was just waiting for someone to hear it.
She thanked my kindness many times and i just said 'takpa nek....'.
I reached the house, it looks decent, small, and slightly messy on the outside. Pak Omar was not at home so she cannot go inside. I offered to come by later and helped her carry her stuff from the old home but she said the owner left for today. I made a promise to come visit her when i have free time.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
' Terima kasih banyak2 nak......' she said.
I squeezed her hand and give her some money, and then walked into the car.
I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. I kept wondering if i should given her more money. If i should stay and talked to her, just to entertain her. I kept wondering what if no one had offered to help her. I kept wondering the heavy load that she have to carry.
At that moment, of all the things i've accomplish and done, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL. (1)
(1) Caption from a Forwarded email
As i cornered the hilly area towards my house, i saw small women in her 80's carrying a luggage in one hand, and a large bag on the other.
She was frail, and walking slowly towards uphills. Her back is hunched and i wonder if they were ever straight. She was wearing an old baju kurung and scarf that was tie at the back. Her wrinkles suggested that she might look older than she is.
I drove pass her but i kept looking at my rear mirror. Stimultaneos questions rans through my head 'Does she need a lift? is it ok to offered her a ride? Where does she lives? Where is her family? Why does her family let her carry heavy stuff under the hot sun? Why isnt anybody offered to give her a ride?'.
I slowed down my car and finally i stop by the roadside. I step down and looked at her not knowing what to say. She saw me and a smile start to fill in her face. She said immedietly 'Nek tumpang nak.....nek penat dah jalan jauh...'
She had a Javanese slang and later i found out that she was from Indonesia. It took a great deal not to release the tears upon hearing what she said.
I hurry my steps towards her and offered to carry the bags. I was suprised that the bag is really heavy, and it hurts my shoulder even to carry it across the road. I returned to assist the women, she took my arm and walk slowly towards the car.
'Rumah nenek kat mana?'
'Kat atas tu, nanti nenek tunjukkan jalan'
I drove uphills and downhills and reach the house about 5 minits away. I cant imagine if she have to walk all the way with the heavy bags... what strenght does one have?
I learned that she is moving out because she no longer allowed to stay where she is, she will be staying with Pak Omar, menumpang, she cooks for the surau and will continue to do so despite the distance to surau from the house, she doesnt have any family nor a source of income and lots more.
In the 5 minutes conversation, it felt to me like she was telling me her whole life. As if she was saving the story and was just waiting for someone to hear it.
She thanked my kindness many times and i just said 'takpa nek....'.
I reached the house, it looks decent, small, and slightly messy on the outside. Pak Omar was not at home so she cannot go inside. I offered to come by later and helped her carry her stuff from the old home but she said the owner left for today. I made a promise to come visit her when i have free time.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
' Terima kasih banyak2 nak......' she said.
I squeezed her hand and give her some money, and then walked into the car.
I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. I kept wondering if i should given her more money. If i should stay and talked to her, just to entertain her. I kept wondering what if no one had offered to help her. I kept wondering the heavy load that she have to carry.
At that moment, of all the things i've accomplish and done, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL. (1)
(1) Caption from a Forwarded email
Sincerity and Purity
Life constantly challenge our faith, and we will either uphold the faith, or succumb to the challenge. I believe in the goodness of people. Of Sincerity and Purity. The only things that human being are not capable to lie about. Sincerity and purity will come within yourself, from the heart.
I asked Sifu, 'How will we know if we have come to a point that we are out most sincere in what we are?'
He replied ' It will be reflected in your surrounding'
'And purity?'
'It will follow through'
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